Independence and Control
Independence, self-determination and autonomy can bring with them a sense of dignity, and control. Throughout my career, I have often worked with individuals whose circumstances come with little independence, or decreasing independence. What I have come to understand more and more, is that issues around “independence” more accurately translate to issues around “control.”
Independent decision-making
Think for a moment about the number of decisions you make in a typical day. They are countless: what to eat, when to eat, what to wear, when to wake, what to watch on television, whether or not to wear accessories, how to travel to work, whether or not to go outdoors… The list can go on and on.
Now imagine, if you can, that someone else makes each of these decisions for you. Maybe they have been making these decisions for you for your entire life due to disability - leaving you unable to make decisions for yourself. Or maybe you have recently had a physical decline and suddenly find that roles have reversed and your child is in charge of many of your day-to-day decisions.
Locus of control
When I talk to my clients about their independence, the conversations inevitably moves to a discussion about locus of control. What things are within your control, and what things are out of your control? Where can you make changes? What can you let go of? Where can you build independence? A shift in focus to the things within control and letting go of things out of control can really improve mood and one’s ability to cope with circumstances.
Support workers, caregivers and family
While a person’s cognitive re-focusing can help them to cope, in my experience, caregivers and support people have a major impact on an individual’s quality of life. Two people in similar circumstances can have vastly different levels self-determination and happiness. It is so difficult to for caregivers to watch loved ones make poor decisions for themselves. Yet that ability to make poor decisions is so important for a persons sense of control and independence. Finding this balance is not easy, but it’s so important to keep in mind when caring for an older adult, an individual with I/DD or neurodivergence, or anyone who has experienced a debilitating medical event.
Explore your own circles of control
Visit my Etsy shop to download a worksheet for exploring what is within your control. Or use it to work with others!
Once a case manager…
My social work career has been an interesting and non-linear one. Time and again I have found myself in case management roles in various setting. First in child protective services, then working with families of children with disabilities, a little time in foster care, and most recently working in an inpatient rehabilitation hospital.
Beginning in 2019, I shifted gears to provide direct services to clients - something I had always been a little scared to do! I had always preferred to give people information, to look up the services covered by insurance, to make referrals, and to provide support along the way. As I have adjusted to this new role, I have found it challenging to step back from case management. I find myself slipping back into it and, perhaps, “problem-solving” more than I should.
With all of these feelings and impulses spinning around, I have begun to organize them into something useful and concrete. I am working on building a robust “Resources” page on my website that I can direct clients and families to, and that can hopefully help others who happen upon it!
This is definitely a work in progress, but I am enjoying the process. I hope that you will visit my Resources page and let me know what you think! What else can I add? Are you a service provider who would like to be included? Use the form below to submit a suggestion, private comment, or a resource.
Walking: One way to practice mindfulness
As far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed walking. Growing up on the east end of Long Island, I walked along beaches, farms, and quiet streets. Throughout my life, I have continued to enjoy walking with friends, my husband, my children and now my dog! Even in my college years, when other students were partying, I was often walking through the woods, walking around campus, or meandering through fancy neighborhoods of McMansions. I never thought much about it until recent years, as I have learned more about mindfulness, neuroscience, physical health and mental health. Struggling with early stages of osteoarthritis, walking is my go-to therapy.
When someone hears the word “mindfulness” they might imagine a yoga class, or somebody sitting cross-legged and meditating. But my understanding of mindfulness is really just focusing one’s attention on this moment, bringing one’s focus into the present. There are so many ways to do this, but for me, walking is the most enjoyable and the best way to reset when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
The Practice of Mindful Walking:
1. Setting the Intention: Set a time and intention to walk, just for you. Not to run an errand or walk the dog or “exercise” but just to walk.
2. Mindful Preparation: Before you start walking, take a few moments to center yourself and connect with your breath. Stand tall with your feet firmly planted on the ground, and take a few deep breaths, feeling the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body.
3. Observing Sensations: As you begin walking, pay attention to the physical sensations of each step – the pressure of your feet against the ground, the movement of your muscles and joints, and the rhythm of your breath. Notice any sensations of tension or relaxation in your body and allow them to be present without judgment.
4. Engaging the Senses: Bring awareness to your surroundings as you walk, tapping in to your senses to fully immerse yourself in the present moment. Notice the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around you, allowing each of your five senses to activate.
5. Cultivating Gratitude: As you walk, take time to cultivate gratitude for your ability to move and the beauty of the world around you. Appreciate each step and the world around you, wherever it might be!
6. Don’t overthink it! There is not one right way to practice mindful walking. If you’re overwhelmed, just take a break, go outside, and walk – even if it’s along the sidewalk of an New Jersey strip mall! Observe your surroundings, take them in, tap into your senses and just walk.
Some Benefits of Mindful Walking:
1. Stress Reduction: Mindful walking can help reduce stress and anxiety by calming the mind and promoting relaxation. Focusing on the present moment allows you to let go of worries about the past or future, leading to a greater sense of peace and well-being.
2. Improved Concentration: Practicing mindfulness while walking enhances concentration and mental clarity, sharpening your focus and attention to detail. This heightened awareness can carry over into other areas of your life, leading to improved productivity and efficiency. In a recent webinar I took with Jennifer Sweeton, PsyD, MS, MA, she discussed the ways in which your brain builds new neurons with physical activity, and the ways in which the bi-lateral movements in walking activate and re-integrate different parts of the brain.
3. Enhanced Physical Health: Regular mindful walking can have positive effects on physical health. It lubricates your joints, keeps your blood flowing and is a low-impact form of exercise.
4. Emotional Resilience: Mindful walking fosters emotional resilience by helping you develop a greater sense of self-awareness and emotional regulation. By observing thoughts and feelings without judgment, you can cultivate a more compassionate and balanced relationship with yourself and others.
5. Connection to Nature: Mindful walking provides an opportunity to connect with the natural world and experience a sense of interconnectedness with all living beings. Spending time in nature has been shown to reduce stress, boost mood, and increase feelings of vitality and well-being.
Just setting aside the time and following through can be the biggest barrier to making change. Try using my goals-setting worksheet, available for purchase in my Etsy shop, to make a plan for yourself to get moving!
Moving through Grief
Grief is a universal human experience, yet it's intensely personal and often challenging to navigate. Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any significant change in your life, grief can feel overwhelming and all-encompassing. We can begin to feel anticipatory grief even before we experience a loss. It's essential to understand that grieving is a natural process and that there are strategies to cope and heal along the way.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in coping with grief is to acknowledge and accept your feelings. It's okay to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief. Suppressing or denying these emotions can prolong the grieving process. Allow yourself to experience them fully, without judgment or criticism.
Seek Support
Grieving doesn't have to be a solitary journey. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups who can provide comfort and understanding. Talking about your feelings can be therapeutic and help you feel less alone in your grief. Additionally, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief counseling.
Take Care of Yourself
During times of grief, self-care is crucial. Make an effort to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. This may involve getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Avoid using substances like alcohol or drugs as a means of coping, as they can ultimately exacerbate feelings of sadness and despair. You may find, as many of my clients do, that grief hit hard around holidays and other significant dates. There may be other triggers as well. When you learn to anticipate these triggers, you can begin to practice self-care in preparation.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grief doesn't adhere to a timeline, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Give yourself permission to mourn in your own time and at your own pace. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through the ups and downs of the grieving process. It's okay to have good days and bad days. My clients often say that grief hits them like a wave, out of nowhere, even years after a loss. This is not unusual. Progress can feel like two steps forward, and one step back.
Create Rituals and Memorials
Honoring the memory of your loved one or the loss you're grieving can be a meaningful part of the healing process. Consider creating rituals or memorials that allow you to pay tribute and celebrate their life. This could involve planting a tree in their honor, creating a scrapbook of memories, or crafting with their belongings (such as a tie memory pillow). You may want to light a candle or hold onto a memento of your loved one as you participate in an activity they enjoyed. These rituals can provide comfort and serve as a tangible reminder of the love and connection you shared.
Find Meaning and Purpose
While grief can feel overwhelming, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Take time to reflect on the meaning of your loss and how it has impacted your life. Change is hard, but necessary and change can make you stronger. Finding purpose in your grief can help you move forward with renewed strength and resilience.
Be Patient with Yourself
Above all, be patient with yourself as you navigate the complexities of grief. Healing takes time, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions that come with loss, and remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it. With patience, self-care, and support, you can gradually find peace and acceptance as you continue on your journey of healing.
For a grief therapy worksheet, visit my Etsy shop!